I lost my brother to cancer earlier this year. It was an eventuality that me and my entire family saw coming for years, but having time to prepare for such a thing doesn’t make its arrival any easier. His permanent absence is a void that is impossible to fill, and we’re left behind to look after each other and his children while trying to rebuild our lives in the aftermath. I’m not over it, and probably never will be, and that’s okay.
There’s no right or wrong way to deal with grief, it’s an everlasting constant that burrows into your mind and surfaces at the most unexpected moments. Accepting it is the hard part, and trying your best to lead a life that would make those who couldn’t fully enjoy theirs proud to know you’re moving forward and refusing to give up. With each day that passes, I’m sure he’d be proud of me.
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When Life is Strange: True Colors was first revealed earlier this year, I was convinced that Square Enix and Deck Nine Games had been spying on me. Not only does the narrative revolve around a young woman trying to uncover the circumstances behind her brother’s unexpected death, but the debut trailer also features an original song from Novo Amor, an artist I spent months listening to as a way to cope with the loss of my sibling. It felt like a genuinely scary coincidence, except I don’t have cool psychic powers and can’t play guitar for shit.
Putting aside the unusual timing of the game’s reveal in relation to my own experiences, True Colors is dealing with heavy themes that will likely cause trauma to resurface for a number of people. Losing someone is never easy, whether it’s a friend, family member, or even a pet. Having to mourn someone or something that has had a palpable impact on your own existence is a process that takes time, often years, to come to terms with. When I first saw the trailer for True Colors I burst into tears, fresh wounds opening up again and reminding me of my brother’s passing. But this pain was almost welcome – it was a reminder that I was accepting his death and relating to a piece of media that wasn’t afraid to explore such ideas.
Life is Strange needs to do these themes justice. The series is no stranger to exploring mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression, even broaching suicidal thoughts in the first instalment. Sadly, it has made a number of missteps. Time travel shenanigans result in Chloe becoming bedridden and disabled in the first game, and one of the decisions you’re presented with is to switch off her life support because this life simply isn’t worth living. It’s incredibly ableist, and debuted at a time when games weren’t as considerate with trigger warnings or equipped to deal with these themes in a more delicate way.
True Colors has the power of hindsight on its side, as well as previous games in the series to lean on when it comes to adopting a storytelling style that can depict grief with the weight and circumstance it deserves. If the death of Alex’s brother is trivialised as little more than a catalyst for the eventual narrative, I’ll be heartbroken, since so much worthwhile character development can be drawn from a loss so substantial. The game needs to explore the bond between Alex and Gabe and try to emphasise the connection they had as a family, as well as why that will encourage our heroine to move forward – to not only discover the reasoning behind his death, but to find a purpose in life that honours his legacy. Siblings often bicker, but disagreements grow into fondness, especially in families where blood is infinitely stronger than any obstacles that might surface.
I don’t know enough about True Colors’ wider story to draw any conclusions, but the premise focuses on an aspect of grief I can relate to in a way that feels almost overwhelming. It’s fresh, raw, and harrowingly honest at first glance, and I hope this meaning carries over to the full experience. Part of me is scared to play it, while a voice in my mind is encouraging me to move forward, much like my brother would egg me on to try new and challenging things that force me to think differently and engage critically like I never have before. He’d be proud of me for taking the plunge, and I’m damn proud of him.
My family is currently raising money for a cancer charity in my brother's memory – if you fancy contributing you can check it out here.