My favourite Turtle is April O’Neil. Yes, I know strictly speaking she’s not a Turtle, but she’s like, an honorary Turtle, or something, and if you genuinely, honestly, truly, desperately want me to pick an actual Turtle, it’s Raphael. But know that really it’s April O’Neil. If none of that makes any sense to you you’re too young and I hate you.
For those not so well acquainted, April O’Neil is a character in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and this year she’s finally getting a bit of respect. Not only was April unveiled as the surprise new bonus character in the upcoming beat-’em-up TMNT: Shredder’s Revenge, she’s also made the cut for Nickelodeon Smash Bros., I mean, Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl. While she was a core part of the original cartoons and has featured in the movies, it feels as if the franchise has kept her at arm’s length a little bit. The Turtles aren’t as popular as they used to be, hence why Zoomers were probably confused as to why I was telling you about my pet turtle April in the opening sentence. TMNT as a logo, as a set of four characters, remain entrenched in pop culture, but in the same way shoulder pads, Rubik’s Cubes, and Madonna does – young people know /of/ them rather than actually knowing them. April, as a less well known and less marketable part of the franchise, has been relegated to the periphery along with everyone else as the foursome alone try to claw back their position as the kings of cartoons.
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Since Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are never going to be as popular as they once were, this pivot towards giving the fans what they want to see – rather than regurgitating the four stars over and over again to scramble for recognition – is a smart move. The design used for April in both Shredder’s Revenge and Super Nick Bros. is that of her ‘80s iteration, and while that’s the smartest decision, it would have been nice to see them use a more modern version – that’s the one that deserves redemption, after all.
Megan Fox played April in the 2014 TMNT movie, reprising her role in 2016’s Out of the Shadows. Fox, despite the movie actively working against her at times, did a great job. She won a Razzie for her role as April in the first film, but Fox just needed to sneeze in the mid-’00s to mid-’10s and she was given a Razzie nomination. The Razzies can be an effective satirical tool against the blockbuster hype machine, but too often there is a tone of racism, sexism, and punching down to proceedings. Tyler Perry and Megan Fox were insta-noms in everything they produced, and it got pretty old.
Few actresses were as disrespected as Megan Fox in that era; you might even argue she was the last rule film star held up for mockery in such a way before Hollywood’s marketeers realised that marketing most films to men meant cutting off half your potential audience and decided to embrace feminism.
Fox was a great O’Neil and I will die on this hill. In her iconic yellow jacket, she looked perfect for the role. I’d ask for answers on a postcard as to why she had to dress up as a schoolgirl, but I already know the answer is “because it’s Megan Fox.” Fox, hired by Michael Bay after an audition where she, a 19-year-old girl, was asked to dance in a bikini, then fired by Steven Speilberg for criticising Bay, had the reputation of a slut thrust upon her entirely because male directors forced her repeatedly to get undressed on camera. Fox, a real-life nerd who draws her own comic books for fun, was always the perfect O’Neil, and that certain scenes ‘Foxed-up’ her character entirely so the trailer could show Megan Fox in a schoolgirl skirt is typical of the way O’Neil has been treated by the franchise.
It's not the Fox version in either game, but it does feel as if it draws a line under not just how Fox's character was mistreated, but how April O'Neil in general has been repeatedly misused or underused by the Turtles series for decades. Now I just need to beat up Powdered Toast Man and pretend he's Michael Bay.
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