From his rich purple and yellow getup to his tingly “Wah!”s, Wario is the best. He's an icon of both fashion and villainy, a true showcase of the potential that men with pointed mustaches and plump guts can achieve. Sure, Wario’s name stems from the Japanese word ‘warui’ meaning bad, but he damn well isn't bad and you all know it. Morally, sure. He’s a piece of Goomba droppings. But as far as characters go, nobody holds a candle to him. He shines so brightly, his mere presence fends off the Boos.
He’s a catastrophe of a man in his 40s that embodies capitalism, a money-hungry buffoon who will only lift a finger if there’s some form of personal gain. Ironic that Elon Musk dressed up as him for SNL – he’s an idiotic anti-hero you shouldn't look up to. I'm talking about Wario, to clarify.
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Wario occasionally helps the rag-tag team of goodie-two-shoes out, yet he ain't all that useful. Nintendo embraces Wario’s incompetence and bumbling, greedy nature, allowing him to blossom into the villain you love to dunk on. In many ways, he’s akin to Lazytown’s Robbie Rotten. He’s villainous, sure, but it's harmless shenanigans that play off Mario perfectly. It’s not like he’s jumping around kidnapping princesses for nefarious reasons, constantly cropping up to the point of exhaustion, like a certain giant turtle.
These are all qualities that you unravel with Wario after playing a few games with him, but first impressions are just as important to making a good character, and he has that down to a tee. From the eccentric, gravelly voice as if he’s smoked one too many cigars to the ghoulish purple and yellow color palette, he’s immediately the center of attention in whatever room he walks in. Mario and Luigi are standard, boring, wearing pretty tame colors, while this beauty pops. Some might call this annoying, glaring, too much, but when you’re playing Mario, that’s what you want.
Mario’s very first outing was all about Donkey Kong, an ape with a deceptive name, hurling barrels at the plucky plumber. Mario was outshined in his very first appearance by yet another better character. He’s always outshined. Who honestly picks up Super Mario Bros. and wants to play him when Peach or Toad are options? Granted, Toad is a scheming little devil that I’m convinced is a secret agent for Bowser, a hive-mind of fungi parasites seeking to overthrow the world, but they’re cute. Mario is a middle-aged plumber that likes shrooms. Tell your landlord that your pipes are broken and you’ll get that. Wario, on the other hand, is unique, a fashion icon, and so unbelievably memorable.
Just look at Mario Golf: Super Rush. There’s a bunch of boring saps standing around swinging their clubs, looking like they just crawled out of their suburban neighborhoods to conduct a business meeting. Then there’s Wario, the snake oil salesman in his checkered cowboy attire and his usual vibrant aesthetic with a stretched-out, gnarled grin. Even in a golf game, he’s making a statement just by showing up. I can respect that. Maybe it's the Always Sunny fan in me but he feels like Frank Reynolds amped up to ten and made Italian.
That aesthetic and that chaotic nature of his very being – the wildcard capitalist – is exactly why his games are so much more exciting than the mainline content, from Wario World to WarioWare. The box art is a treat to gorge yourself on, and the games themselves are like the mainstream Mario entries but with the zany elements amped up to ten. Say you were forced to pick between Howard the Duck and Donald the Duck. The latter is the safe bet, a family-friendly, wholesome cartoon. The latter is an alcoholic that kind of saves the day while doing some questionable interspecies dating. Which one is more interesting? It ain't Donald. It ain't Mario.
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