Despite playing it on a daily basis and mostly enjoying myself, I have complained quite a bit about Pokemon Unite recently. I hate how bad its idling problem has become and feel like begging Tencent to introduce a ban system similar to what we have in League of Legends. More so than anything else though, my biggest qualm with Pokemon Unite is that half the people playing it have absolutely no idea how MOBAs actually work. They just sort of… press buttons, but not in the way they’re supposed to.
Yes, I know it’s a Pokemon game, and that means a lot of people playing it are probably kids. “Stop giving out to six-year-olds!” you say. The thing is, I play at a relatively high level, so for the most part the people in my lobbies are probably adults, actually. I don’t imagine one of your apocryphal, invented six-year-olds knows how to successfully run mid and swing the level economy in their favour within the first two minutes of a match without compromising team farms. Once you get to Veteran or above, you’re playing with people who are older and should know better. Do they know better? Of course not.
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MOBAs are generally quite complex – games like Dota 2 and League of Legends have enormously high skill ceilings and can be extremely off-putting for anyone who hasn’t invested a substantial amount of time in the genre. Pokemon Unite – while not just being “Baby’s First MOBA” – simplifies a lot of the overly intricate elements of these games and is therefore far more approachable than its predecessors. Because of this, learning the rules and tactics for playing Unite isn’t some sort of disarmingly unwieldy endeavor. I’ve never really played a MOBA before and in just one month, I’ve picked up on most of the lingo necessary for performing properly and maintaining a workable understanding of what I’m supposed to be doing at any given time.
I mean, it’s not that hard, right? Two people go to the top lane, one person jungles in mid, and the final two players run bottom. There are five different roles to choose from – attacker, defender, all-rounder, support, and speedster – and it’s best to have a mix of these types on your team in order to maximise synergy. After that, it mostly boils down to standard game knowledge and successfully partnering up with your teammates to outsmart the enemy. It’s not easy to pick up on all of this, but the necessary information is manageable and definitely parsable. That’s why it’s such a shame so many people just want to pick an attacker, hoard farms, and go for as many kills as possible. If you kill 15 people as Absol and score zero points, guess what? You had a bad game, actually. You should have scored at least 100 points – nobody cares about your kill count. What are you going to do, tattoo teardrops under Absol’s eye? Eejit.
It’s just disappointing. I love Pokemon Unite – when it’s good, it’s great. But for every match with people who actually want to play the objective, you’ll be locked in a lobby with Cinderace, Ninetales, Pikachu, and Zeraora twice as often. As a speedster main, I now have to play Slowbro or Crustle – characters I am pretty unfamiliar with – because everyone else on my team is a glory hog. I wouldn’t mind if they were good, by the way. The problem is they stubbornly refuse to play for the team despite fundamentally misunderstanding how MOBAs work. I, too, want to play speedster, but that’s because I know how to do so from an embarrassing number of hours spent practicing. If you don’t know your role, play support or defense so you can contribute to the squad in a more passive way. This is not rocket science – in fact, it is Team Rocket science, as in, it is almost extraordinarily unscientific.
I’m not really sure how to fix this – should there be mandatory tutorials to educate people? Role locks? Punishments for maining the same ‘mon over and over again? A reworked score system to accommodate supports, who tend to finish bottom of the scoreboard due to low kill and point counts? I think any one of those solutions could work at least relatively well and reckon a combination of multiple would fix things in a flash.
Admittedly, I’m mostly just venting here because I am sure a lot of people feel the same way as I do. Pokemon Unite is an amazing game in and of itself, but thanks to the people playing it, it is underperforming to the point of near detteral. Here’s hoping something is implemented to encourage everyone to actually learn how MOBAs work. Imagine trying to play a shooter and ignoring the right trigger – that’s how bad things are right now. Actually, that’s a good point – if you’re guilty of playing Pokemon Unite like a knobhead, remove the right trigger from your controller and go play through Doom Eternal on Ultranightmare. That is how you’re making me feel. Not nice, eh?
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