I had the best of intentions when I originally booted up Pokemon Unite. I’d play Support, or Defender, or at the very least All-Rounder to somewhat offset the abundance of Speedsters and Attackers kill-hogging on my team. This is an objective-based game – yes, 20 kills is great, but if you’ve also scored zero points and done your job in the completely wrong way, we’re still going to lose and you’re still going to plummet back down the ranking system.
Usually I lock Charizard, Lucario, or Slowbro just prior to a match starting. I have a win rate of over 80 percent with both Lucario and Charizard across around 25 and 12 competitive matches, respectively (I think, I’m too busy to check right now). My record with Slowbro isn’t quite as good, but it’s not rubbish either. I’m more than happy to play as these ‘mons if it means we’re going to stomp the other team – but, as with all online games, sometimes your team wants you to play someone else anyway.
Related: Pokemon Unite: You're Playing Defenders All Wrong
Over the weekend, someone kept selecting and deselecting Zeraora before a match. In most games that operate around metas where each character can only be represented once per team, this usually means, “Hey, I don’t want to play Zeraora, but we probably need one.” As someone who just wants to do what’s best for the team, I obliged. 18 kills and around 250 points scored later, all I could think was ‘oh no.’ And that, reader, is how I accidentally became a Zeraora main.
Why does this matter, you ask? It matters because I have become the thing I hate most in the world. Every time I find a match now, my eyes are glued to the screen so I can lock Zeraora as quickly as possible. If someone else takes it, I will refuse to pick a character until the last second on the off chance that they might relinquish Zeraora, all while spamming “I’ll take the Speedster role!” I’m happy enough to take Gengar now that I know how OP its Sludge Bomb/Hex build is, but I don’t want two Speedsters on my team – I want to be the sole Speedster. I’ve played Support and Defender roles in online games for years – now it’s my time to get team kills and top the leaderboard.
I’m joking… sort of. I’m not a terrible person who ruins team compositions on purpose. I will, usually, fill whatever role is left in order to ensure my team is relatively balanced, and I won’t stick to Zeraora if we’ve also got an Absol and Talonflame, which – just why?
I will, however, try to annoy other people out of Speedster roles in a battle of attrition via absence. Given that my lack of character selection is visible to all of my teammates, am I even in the lobby? Have I gone for a cup of tea or am I just sulking? Let go of Zeraora for a second and see if I snatch it up. Boom! Looks like you’re playing Crustle now pal. Snooze ya lose, sucker.
Look at that – ‘snooze ya lose, sucker.’ It’s probably some lovely person halfway across the world who just really loves Zeraora in The Power of Us and I’m playing mind games just to take it away from them. When did I become so mean? An insect sat next to my dog yesterday and I gently pushed it away so it wouldn’t annoy him, but also wouldn’t be hurt – I’m nice, honest. Zeraora, though… Zeraora has changed me.
Yeah, Spark/Discharge is a powerful combo and I’m sure the people on my team are probably glad I actually know how to jungle. Is it worth it, though? I’m not sure. I’ll probably play Pokemon Unite for a couple of hours this evening and see how I feel then, but as it stands, I have unintentionally Pidgey-holed myself into being a Zeraora main, and, by extension, become the perfect manifestation of what was originally my biggest issue with Pokemon Unite. If you can’t beat them, join them, I suppose.
Next: Pokemon Unite Complete Guide And Walkthrough
